I’m Losing Steam (or, my life in Pedro lyrics)

Those who know me know I love David Bazan/Pedro the Lion. Below are the lyrics for his song Foregone Conclusions, which I’ve been listening to and thinking about this morning:

I don’t wanna believe that all of the above is true.
But I could be persuaded if you were to give me proof.
So why don’t you come over Thursday, maybe we can talk it through.
As if some new information were possible to comprehend or introduce.

And after all, you and I are nothing more than foregone conclusions.

And you were too busy steering the conversation toward the Lord
to hear the voice of the Spirit, begging you to shut the fuck up.
You thought, it must be the devil, tryin to make you go astray.
And besides, it could not have been the Lord because you don’t believe he talks that way.

And after all, you and I are nothing more than foregone conclusions.

Too close to call, yet we’re still so tightly wound around our foregone conclusions.

Yeah we’re nothing more than foregone conclusions.

On the very same album, the next song is The Fleecing:

Deep green hills whose shoulders fade, into the gray tall wet grass.
Whose flesh makes fools of grazing sheep, whose fleecing makes a fool of me.

And who shall I blame for this sweet and heavy trouble?
For every stupid struggle?
I don’t know.
I could buy you a drink.
I could tell you all about it.
I could tell you why I doubt it, and why I still believe.

But I can’t say it like I sing it.
And I can’t sing it like I think it.
And I can’t think it like I feel it.
And I don’t feel a thing.
Oh no – I don’t feel a thing.

And who shall I blame for this sweet and heavy trouble?
For every stupid struggle?
I don’t know.
I could buy you a drink.
I could tell you all about it.
I could tell you why I doubt it, and why I still believe it.
And why I need it.
And what the pharisees don’t see.

And we’d have more drinks. We’d speak of so many things.
But I don’t know you, and you don’t know me.

Somehow these two songs, taken together, do a great job of encapsulating “where I am” right now, at least this morning. I’ve written somewhat frequently recently of my struggles with depression, anxiety, and the related weight gain, etc. I know that I do much, much better when I quit focusing on my struggles and instead pour my energy into loving and serving others, and certainly there is opportunity in my life for that. I know, too, how very blessed (comparatively) I am, and I yearn to never take those blessings for granted.

Nevertheless, still I struggle, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. I could go on about this, but for now I think I’ll let David speak for me through one more song, his Secret of the Easy Yoke from Pedro’s debut album:

i could hear the church bells ringing
they pealed aloud your praise
the member’s faces were smiling
with their hands outstretched to shake
it’s true they did not move me
my heart was hard and tired
their perfect fire annoyed me
i could not find you anywhere
could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you, and somedays
i don’t love you at all

the devoted were SELLING bracelets
to remind them why they came
some concrete motivation
when the abstract could not do the same
but if all that’s left is duty, i’m falling on my sword
at least then, i would not serve an unseen distant lord

could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you, and somedays
i don’t love you at all
if this only a test
i hope that i’m passing, cuz i’m losing steam
but i still want to trust you

peace be still (x3)

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